Fanning the Flames
by Boshoku
Summary: [Narusasu ficlets] “No. No, no, no, no. You do not put those – those images – into my head, and get away with saying it was all a joke!” [Chapter 6: Genetics finally up]
1. Appetizer

Warnings: This is a series of shounen-ai and Narusasu drabbles. Plenty of moments whose meanings are ambiguous, no lemons, but lots of cuddling.

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Title: Appetizer

Summary: Naruto decides what he wants for dinner. Post timeskip by about a year or two.

--

**Appetizer**

"Oh, yes, you're mine, all mine, aren't you? I love you so much…"

Sasuke snarled at the offending object of Naruto's current affections.

"Dobe. You're snuggling with a noodle filled Styrofoam cup. And they say _I'm_ the crazy one."

"Oh, don't listen to anything he says, he's just being cranky, aren't you, you lovable bastard?"

Naruto blew a raspberry in the Uchiha's direction, and proceeded to cuddle his cup of (uncooked) ramen. Said Uchiha was currently bound to a wooden post and snarling.

"Sasuke, have you had your rabies shot yet? 'Cause you're kind of foaming at the mouth and all…"

Naruto continued to baby talk to the ramen. Sasuke, on the other hand, was twitching as the cuddling became more intense.

Suddenly, just like that, Naruto stopped talking.

However, his next sentence had Sasuke seeing red – in more ways than one.

"I wonder how good you taste in a _nice, hot bath, _my _cuddle-bug!_"

Sasuke snapped. Sharingan blazing, he roared, "_I thought I was your cuddle-bug!"_

Silence reigned in the village of Konoha.

Far away, Sakura was twitching to the point of a mock seizure.

Inner Sakura merely flaunted a "Shannaro! Shounen-ai Forever!" t-shirt.

Ino was hospitalized for blood loss.

Chouji dropped his precious bag of gold…erm, golden, crispy, potato chips.

Shikamaru closed his eyes as the clouds suddenly decided to take it upon themselves to bring "Icha Icha: Yaoi Edition" to life.

Tenten _accidentally_ hit Jiraiya's half-written manuscript of "Icha Icha Shounen-Ai: Narusasu" with an explosive kunai.

Kiba merely stared.

Shino mumbled, "Good lord, this world's going to the dogs."

Akamaru barked.

"No offense, of course."

Lee cried with happiness as he sang, "The wonders of youth have brought Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto to their senses! The lotus of love has blossomed from but a mere bud into a lovely flower! Yosh! Let this be an example to us all!"

Hinata flopped into Neji's stiff arms. Said prodigy had comically wide eyes as he tried not to let his imagination run away and elope with his Byakugan, which could result in loss of brain cells from certain…images.

Blushing, Sasuke looked away, only to meet sapphire blue eyes. Naruto brushed his lips across Sasuke's own. Licking his own lips, his eyes suddenly turned feral.

"Don't you worry, _Sasu-chan_. You're the main course."

-

End.

-

A/N: That felt a bit crack-tastic. I may end up going back to edit this later. See you next time.


	2. Heart

**Disclaimer: **Sasuke has that damned assbow. So obviously, I don't own Naruto.

* * *

**Warnings:** Angst

**Title:** Heart

**Summary:** Post Chapter 310. Naruto rants in the forest at night, and encounters an old friend.

* * *

**Heart**

by: Boshoku

An angry fist pounded into the bark of the tree.

_He was right there! RIGHT THERE, and you couldn't even touch him!_

Punch, kick, jab, pant. Naruto's fury was far from spent.

_Damn it! Why couldn't I do anything?_

"Naruto."

Before he knew it, he whirled around, fist flying towards the intruder's face. A hand snatched his out of midair, forcing it down.

Sapphire blue met onyx-rimmed slate.

Heart pounding in his chest, he registered the face of the other person.

"Sasuke…"

The name was choked out, almost incoherently, as he tried to decipher the look in the other's eyes. It was odd to see them without Sharingan these days…

The look in his eyes was almost…dead. For all he knew, it was Kabuto animating a walking corpse.

But somehow, he knew, _he just knew_, that this was Sasuke.

And that hurt most of all.

"_YOU BASTARD!"_

His other hand curled into a fist, flying towards Sasuke's face.

He didn't even try to block it. A muffled thump rang through the air.

Sasuke's head was bowed to the side, black bangs shadowing his face.

Naruto winced. _That's going to bruise in the morning…_

However, his temper still raged.

"Are you _crazy?_ After almost three years, you just showed up and start spouting all that crap about breaking bonds? Kami, you sound like Neji and all that shit he kept saying about fate and destiny! What gives you the right to just toy with our minds like that? Come on, Sasuke, _answer me!"_

His last sentence was punctuated with a sudden shove that smacked Sasuke into the tree behind them.

"What gives you the right to come after me, then?"

Naruto blinked at the quiet sentence.

"Like I said, how are you going to become Hokage if you keep doing stupid things that are going to get you killed?" Impassive eyes looked up. "I told you not to come after me for a reason."

Naruto suddenly snarled. "What, you think I'm going to let myself get killed by some stupid snake like Orochimaru?" He leaned in towards Sasuke's face. "_You _are one of the first people who ever acknowledged me. And you are my best friend. _You are mine, Uchiha Sasuke, _more than you will ever know." Suddenly, Naruto grabbed him in a fierce hug. _You're a lot more than my best friend, Sasuke…but I can't scare you off now, not when I'm so close._

"Come back to Konoha, Sasuke. Come home to Sakura-chan, and Kakashi." _And come home to me._

Sasuke stiffened at the close contact.

"No."

Blue eyes dimmed.

"My heart does not lie in Konoha. My heart is bound to another path…to another person."

Gently removing Naruto's arms from his sides, he turned away to vanish into the night.

Naruto felt his hope shatter.

"However…"

Naruto looked up, hardly daring to believe it.

Sasuke was staring at the glimpses of the night sky between the leaves.

"They say that home is where the heart is…"

He whipped his head back to stare at the blond.

"…and you have something I want."

Shattered bits of hope melded...just as Sasuke vanished in a flurry of leaves.

-

End.

-

A/N: Gah. This didn't feel like it was very clear for some reason. If you have trouble understanding, just say so.


	3. Sunshine

**Disclaimer:** Sasuke + Maid Outfit Canon. No? Then I don't own Naruto. And I do not claim ownership of "You are my Sunshine" either.

* * *

**Warnings:** Slight OOCness, crack

**Summary: **Naruto _definitely_ didn't escape Jiraiya and Kakashi unscarred.

* * *

**Sunshine**

by: Boshoku

"'You are my sunshine…'"

Naruto choked. Sasuke was in Oiroke no Jutsu. In a skimpy maid outfit. With a feather duster. _Singing._

To him, no less.

Sasuke leaned over and pecked Naruto delicately on the cheek, as he (She? Good grief, this was enough to throw off any English teacher…) continued to dust off his apartment, dancing (Holy crap, was he doing ballet? It'd explain why he was _so damned graceful…_)

"'My only sunshine…'"

It was only now that he noticed that the skies outside were dark at 7 a.m. in the morning.

"'You make me happy…'"

Faintly, he noted Ino, Sakura, Tenten, and Hinata all collapsed in a shocked pile at his window.

Only somewhat aware of it, because what distracted him was the innocent smile on Sasuke's face. As he/she bounced from surface to surface with glee, brandishing the feather duster, the little dress had no choice but to occasionally defy physics (He would _so_ have to get his money from Tsunade later, science couldn't explain everything, the naïve hag).

What he _did_ get was an enticing view of Uchiha-fan stamped panties above fish net stockings.

"'When skies are grey…'"

Outside, he could hear Shikamaru roaring at the clouds for crowding his view of them before getting a jet stream of rainwater in the face, courtesy of the sky.

"'You'll never know, dear, how much I love you…'"

In front of Naruto's other window was Kiba struggling to reattach his dislocated jaw. Lee was trying (and failing) to help Neji deactivate his Byakugan. The prodigy suddenly fainted, clutching his head as though to shield it from anymore X-rated material.

Shino's sunglasses were cracked. Chouji continued to eat his potato chips.

"' Please don't take my sunshine away!'"

Sasuke finished with a flourish, a pleased blush on his (Her? Oh, Kami, where's Iruka-sensei when you need him…) face.

It was only now that he realized that he was choking on his own nosebleed.

The world swirled into black.

-

"Naruto?" Sasuke poked his boyfriend cautiously in the shoulder.

They were sharing a bed (dressed, thank you very much), and Naruto had suddenly started a gurgling moan. They had gone to sleep facing each other last night, and they were still (somewhat) in the same position. Raising an eyebrow, he gently tapped Naruto's shoulder before delivering the ultimate wake-up call.

"Naruto! The Akatsuki _want_ you!"

"_WHAT?"_

Naruto shot out of a bed like a cannon, dragging the blanket up around him, screaming bloody murder (Sasuke wondered vaguely how Kisame would taste in sushi, if he was translating Naruto's obscenities accurately). Smirking slightly, he decided to use another tactic.

"Morning, Sunshine."

_THUD._

Sasuke frowned at his nose-bleeding boyfriend, who was currently on the ground, mumbling incoherently about Sexy no Jutsu, nightmares, and sunshine while shuddering and teething the blanket.

"Dobe? What'd I say?"

-

End.

-

Edit: In case it wasn't clear, everything up until Naruto faints is a dream. -grins-

A/N: -glares at coffee- That's it. No more frappuccinos for me. If I thought "Appetizer" was crack-tastic, I wasn't thinking straight. Compared to this, "Appetizer" was sane. Hope no one was put off by my incessant alternating between Japanese and English.

Eh. Anyways, hope you like this one. I seem to be alternating between crack and seriousness. If anyone wants to suggest an idea, go ahead and put it in a review or message. I need to make sure I don't just drop this series of drabbles out of boredom or writer's block. Catch you on the flip side. And thanks to my reviewers so far, and other readers as well – this was a bigger hit than I thought it'd be.


	4. Are You Uke?

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. I wish, though.

* * *

Warnings: Crack. Fairly important A/N at the bottom for regular readers. 

Title: Are you Uke?

Summary: Post time-skip. Sasuke helps Naruto with a D-ranked mission. Sakura hears something _very_ interesting.

* * *

**Are You Uke?**

by: Boshoku

If you tell an Uchiha to help a dobe with D-rank mission…

_CRASH._

…that may just be the last thing you'll ever say.

The box of pillows came flying down on Naruto, engulfing him and Sasuke in a fluffy wave.

"Are you okay, Naruto?" came Sasuke's deadened voice.

"I'm okay, Sasuke," arrived the muffled sentence. "Damned cat…"

However, to the ears of Sakura Haruno, and especially her inner shounen-ai fangirl, she heard something drastically different. Staring at the small apartment, she shook her head.

"No way..."

She was about to leave when there was another loud _THUMP._ Sasuke's muffled voice came through the thin walls of the apartment yet again.

"_Are you uke, Naruto?"_

Gigantic sea-green eyes blinked in shock.

"_I'm uke, Sasuke!"_

Another few crashes, mewls, and yelps later, the complex was silent.

"_Damn, Sasuke, you're good…"_

"_Hn. I had practice."_

-

"_WHAT?"_

Inner Sakura was salivating. _Naruto and Sasuke…doing _it_…I knew those rumors about Sasuke getting nailed weren't true! Sasuke would _never _let Naruto do him!_

"Oh, Kami, I've got to tell Ino!"

-

"_WHAT? Billboard-brow, you had better be joking! Sasuke is not seme!"_

The ninja in Ichiraku babbled incoherently as they tried to listen in on the kunoichis' conversation.

Ino was shrieking. Inner Ino was currently fantasizing about chibis of _certain _people jumping each other. _There's just something so appealing about chibi Sasuke-kun getting pounced with those big, watery chibi eyes…_

Tenten shook her head. "Sorry, Ino. The way I see it, Sasuke's the icing on Naruto's cake. He'd never let Naruto do him, it'd be the other way around." She turned to her fellow kunoichi.

"Hinata? What are your thoughts?" The Hyuuga heiress blushed profusely.

"I-I'm afraid I'll have to agree with Ino on this one, Tenten. Na-Naruto is more of the domineering t-type anyways…just more sneaky about it…"

"Well then girls, want to lay a bet down until we find out?" The weapons mistress slapped 15,000 yen on the table. "I say that Sasuke's seme."

"Did someone say something about a bet?" came a spunky, imposing voice. Sakura's eyes bulged as she turned around.

"Tsu-Tsunade-sama!" Laughing sheepishly, she scratched the back of her head. "N-no, no one said anything about a bet!"

Tsunade tossed a lock of blonde hair over her shoulder. "Give it up, Sakura. Ninja are known for being gossips, and it seems the new suspicion came from my apprentice." She suddenly grinned dangerously. "Naruto's the seme. Plain and simple."

"Bu-but Tsunade, you don't know what I heard! There was shrieking and mewling and-"

"Well well, Sakura, you're giving me ideas for my next book! How would you like to have a cameo in my next edition of –"

"Jiraiya!" _THUMP._

"Itai…" drawled a staggering ero-sennin.

"No fifty year-old in their right mind should be hitting on a teenager!"

"Why isn't Oro getting this lecture? He's the one playing Dracula with twelve-year old Genin…"

"_This _coming from the guy who tried to jump a thirteen year-old ANBU?"

A pause.

"I swear I didn't know it was Itachi."

_Thud_.

In the next stool over, Shikamaru slithered to the floor out of shock. Chouji made to grab his teammate, but in the end, joined him on the ground, still holding those chips…

…is that bag bottomless or something?

"I mean, that nail polish and that hair…"

At the mention of hair, Neji twitched.

Kiba sighed. "You know, Hyuuga, it might not be a bad idea to get a hairc-"

"You know, you _might _want to do something about that walking shag carpet before you say anything about _my_ hair. And on a side note, _mess with my hair and die a very painful, bloody death. And I can be **extremely **creative._"

"…point taken."

Akamaru proceeded to gnaw on the Hyuuga's robes.

"And anyways, here come the terrible two themselves."

"_What?"_

Ino quickly leaned over and hissed in Sakura's ear, "Sasuke's uke!"

"He's seme!"

"Uke!"

"Seme!"

"_Uke!"_

"_Seme!"_

"_UKE!"_

"_SEME!"_

"_**UKE!"**_

"_**SEME!"**_

"Why, Sakura, I didn't know you and Ino were _such_ close friends…"

The two froze and turned around.

"_AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! SASUKE-KUN!"_

Yes, indeed.

Sasuke was standing right behind them, right arm behind his back, other arm snaked under Naruto's right and over his back, apparently supporting his boyfriend.

Wait…was Naruto _limping?_

Inner Sakura froze along with her alias.

_THEY DID DO IT!_

_W_o_b_b_l_e _w_o_b_b_l_e, _THUD._

Sakura joined Shikamaru's little party on the floor.

Ino was a bit more subtle.

"So, Sasuke-kun, what were you and Naruto _doing_ this morning?"

Naruto choked as he realized what she meant. Sasuke, on the other hand, frowned.

"Hokage-sama. You wanted _this?"_

Sasuke pulled out his right hand from behind his back.

In it was a very desperate, crazed, bow entangled cat.

**/Hmm. Bondage. Neko-style./**

_KYUUBI! _Naruto's face flamed.

**/You can't say you weren't getting any ideas. I _am_ here in your mind, after all./**

…_damn you._

Suddenly the cat's owner ran in.

"Tora! Tora, my baby, come to mama! Oh, thank you so much!"

The yelping cat snatched the edge of the ramen stand with its claws.

_NEVER AGAIN! NEVER! _

_Slip._

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…_

And thus, the woman sped off, leaving them in a cloud of dust and perfume.

"…Sasuke?"

"Yeah?"

"How the hell does a cat manage to knock over an _extremely _heavy box full of shuriken that just _happens_ to be open and just _happens _to land on us?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"…not really."

Ino turned flaming eyes on Sakura. _"That's_ what they were doing? A D-ranked mission?"

Sakura snatched Shikamaru to use as a shield. "How was I supposed to know? You'd have thought it too, if you'd heard what sounded like boy on boy action in there!"

Suddenly, Tenten cut in.

"Um, Naruto? We just wanted to know…are you the…you know…_uke?"_

Blue eyes bulged.

"_Where did you get **that** idea?!"_

Sakura blushed. "Well, I kind of went by your apartment earlier…and heard…_something_…going on…"

"Oh, I'll show you exactly who's the uke here," he snarled.

Sasuke's eyes were as wide as saucer plates. "Naruto - umph!"

Naruto proceeded to show them exactly _who _was the proverbial icing.

Talk about one hell of a lip lock. You could hear them nose-bleeding a river in Suna.

Naruto released his furious boyfriend. "Shall we have _dessert_ at your house, Sas-_uke_?"

"_Naruto!"_

The kunoichi stared at the scene. Then, Tsunade spoke.

"The fox is seme. Fork it over."

It was a joyous day in Konoha history, indeed.

-

End.

-

A/N: -weeps-

This chapter was not one of my best. I know there's that all too cliche Sas-UKE in there...but I tried to see if I could fit it in a bit more subtly. However...I do have a few more crack-tastic ideas, with a little touch of angst here and then. I just have to get the train rolling. There's something about banana peels next, I think...

Sorry about the slight crappiness. Started it when I was on a sugar high and tried to make it end well. Updates might be a bit slow from here on out, but I'll try to do at least one a week. See you guys around.

**Edit: **If anyone's wondering, my crack muse is giving me a rough time - hilarious starts and ends, but as for the in-between stuff, that could take awhile longer than originally planned. Not to mention that the hit-and-run inspiration has, well... hit and _run._ School's not helping much either...but I am planning out the next few drabbles in the cozy environment of English class. Ja ne.


	5. Dance of the Falling Angels

**Disclaimer:** Sakura and Naruto have no idea that Sasuke attacked Orochimaru in the latest chapter. So no, not mine, never will be.

A/N: At long last, another part to this. Forgive me for its crappiness and the delay.

* * *

**Warnings:** Crack, language, Naruto being perverted, Sai being naively so. Could possibly cross over into M range for this particular one.

**Title:** Dance of the Falling Angels

**Summary:** Sakura's mad at her boys for leaving her behind. So, she cooks up a punishment. Misery certainly loves company.

* * *

Dance of the Falling Angels

by: Boshoku

"_What?!"_

"You heard me. This is your punishment, _Sasuke-kun_, for running away, and your punishment, _Naruto,_ for leaving Konoha for three years. And believe me, this is only an appetizer. _Now start dancing._"

Sasuke twitched. "Why _ballroom dancing?!"_

"Because I said so. Unless you'd rather wear spandex for ballet – I hear that Gai purchased them in bulk." Sakura winked devilishly. "So, what'll it be?"

"Neither, thank you very much."

"What? Not secure enough in your masculinity to do some dancing, Sasuke-kun? Or are you just not _man _enough?"

"_WHAT?! If this is about the kissing thing, I am going to castrate you, Naruto – "_

"_What?! Sakura-chan, don't do it! My balls! Think about it! MY BA-"_

SLAP. _"PERVERT!"_

"_I didn't say think about my balls!"_

"What balls, Naruto-kun? Last I checked, you might as well be a girl."

"Naruto, if you're going to cheat on your boyfriend, try to do it more subtly."

"GAH! _KAKASHI-SENSEI! SAI!"_

The silver haired jounin sat in the windowsill, reading Icha Icha, and the ANBU Root member stood across from him, leaning on the sill. Kakashi absently turned a page in his book. "You certainly need a better pick-up line, anyways." One silver eye absently slid his way. "Besides, Sakura's right, in a way. Think about it. Sasuke. Spandex."

Naruto stopped. _Sasuke…in spandex…that ass…those abs…_

Sakura frowned. "Naruto? You're drooling on the floor…Naruto? Naruto!"

Scowling, she turned back to her friend. His eyes had gone deliriously blank, and a long strand of saliva hung from the corner of his mouth. He was also suspiciously floppy.

Sasuke raised one delicate eyebrow before cautiously poking Naruto in the shoulder.

THUD.

The four of them stared down, bewildered, at the drooling orange blob on the floor.

"You know, now that he's unconscious, according to Kakashi-san's book, it seems rather logical that this would be the right time for a – "

"No, Sai. We are not making this into a bondage orgy. As much as it would entertain you to have another go at Naruto's manliness."

-

To be continued…

-

A/N: Umm…sorry? ;-; -dodges flying objects- I've had a large bit of writer's block, and school wasn't helping. There is at least one more part to this chapter, which will hopefully be up soon.


	6. Genetics

**Disclaimer: **Just look at the previous chapters.

**A/N: **Holy crap, an update! –dodges pitchforks- More A/N at the bottom. Not a continuation to the last chapter.

* * *

**Warnings:** Mentions (and _only_ mentions) of m-preg, slight crack, spoilers for recent chapters of the manga (especially chapter 367), possible cause of aneurysms 

**Title:** Genetics

**Summary:** Post-timeskip. Tsunade and Jiraiya discuss possible outcomes of Sasuke and Naruto offspring over sake.

* * *

**Genetics**

by: Boshoku

"Oi, Tsunade," Jiraiya murmured, ironically sobered after a few sips of sake. "What do you think the kids'll do?"

Blinking, she set down the shallow dish. "About what?"

"You know. The Uchiha brat still has a clan to bring back, if he's anywhere as determined as he used to be. But it's not like he can get pregnant." He lifted the cup of sake to his lips and took a long drought

Tsunade shrugged noncommittally. "Then they'll have man-babies."

_BLOOSH._

Jiraiya spat out his drink, eyes comically wide as the dish Tsunade was drinking from. "They'll _what?!" _he finally sputtered out, still coughing.

She rolled her eyes. "I was kidding."

"No. No, no, no, _no._ You do not put those – those _images_ – into my head, and get away with saying it was all a joke!"

"Who said I couldn't?" she shot back, calmly pouring herself some more of the drink.

"I did!"

"And since when did the almighty Jiraiya-_sama_ have a say in this?" she smirked. "Besides, you brought it up."

"But – but – ARGH! My eyes! My beautiful eyes! The images burn worse than a slap from a beautiful lady!"

Bemused, she decided to ignore the last comment in favor of a fairly peaceful evening. "What were you thinking when I said man-babies, anyways? It can't have been that bad."

"Oh, right, you mean aside from the pretty-boy Uchiha with a watermelon for a gut? I don't know, maybe it was the little army of Uchiha running around screaming for ramen."

Tsunade had a sudden flash of a horde of chibi-Sasukes setting the whole of Konoha on fire in search of ramen, with red Sharingan eyes and black leathery wings, laughing maniacally. She stopped imagining when one of them somehow acquired a pitchfork.

_"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ALL RAMEN BELONGS TO US!"_

She shuddered.

Then she realized something.

"Wait, who says the Uchiha genes would be dominant? Naruto had Kushina for a mother, if I recall, and he looks nothing like her! If anything, he looks like a near-clone of Minato."

"Yeah, but Kushina's personality certainly carried over, didn't it?" Jiraiya countered, downing another cup of sake. "Who's to say if the kid wouldn't look like Sasuke but act like Naruto?"

The words came out too late to take them back, as Jiraiya suddenly envisioned a tiny Sasuke look-alike. And he opened his mouth.

Far from the intelligent psychobabble he expected to be issued…

"HOLY CRAP! YOU LOOK WEIRD! HEY, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!?! HEY, YOU OLD PERVERTED GEEZER, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE LOOKING AT, DATTEBAYO?!"

…he received an onslaught of nonsensical spew.

Jiraiya turned white as his hair at the prospect, and drank a few more cups in quick succession to drown out the horrifying thought. Then he realized that Tsunade was still talking.

"…for all we know, the only traits that may carry over is a like for certain foods…"

And suddenly, a little Naruto appeared in a poof of smoke, happily chomping on ripe tomatoes, oblivious to his wailing father in the corner, futilely offering him a bowl of ramen.

_"Noooooooooooooooo…"_

Jiraiya quickly silenced Naruto's bawling with another dash of alcohol.

Tsunade droned on.

"…or even just their way of coping with the tough times…"

And Naruto and the tomatoes vanished from the previous image, leaving the Naruto look-alike with a perpetual thundercloud over his head, brooding in the corner. Curious, Jiraiya decided to poke this mental figure.

Suddenly, lightning crackled through the thundercloud, and the kid's head whipped around sharply to face him, red eyes blazing, fangs bared…

…Wait. When'd the kid get fangs?

Nonetheless, Jiraiya quickly pulled himself back into reality.

"Oi. Oi!" A pair of fingers snapped in front of his face, and Jiraiya nearly toppled from his chair.

"What'd I miss?" he grunted, not really caring about anything but the state of his mind right that moment.

…oh, he had been so gloriously _sane_ before this whole conversation had started…

Tsunade scowled. "I wanted to know if you think the Kyuubi would have any effect on the kids, were Naruto and Sasuke actually capable of having offspring."

"Oh." He thought for a moment. "Who knows? That nine-tailed fox is fickle. For all we know, the kids would have claws and fangs. Maybe whiskers."

Tsunade snorted. "It wouldn't make much of a difference if you slapped one or two of those onto the kids."

Tsunade's mental image of a chibi-Sasuke suddenly sprouted nine tails with an enormous tear of fabric; the brat suddenly grabbed his butt and _howled._

At this, she snickered. Nothing like hearing an Uchiha scream bloody murder.

Unless it was directed at you – in which case, you'd do very well to run. Far, far, _far_ away.

Jiraiya waved away Tsunade's next sentence with a hand. "No, no more talk about Sasuke and Naruto and genetics, Tsunade, I'd like to keep what's remaining of my poor, abused mentality."

Disappointed, Tsunade decided to find another venue of conversation.

"What about pairing up Sasuke and Orochimaru?"

Jiraiya spat out his sake again. _"TSUNADE!"_

-

_Owari._

-

A/N: It's considerably better than the last one, though not quite up to par with the others. Sorry it took so long to update, my mind was fixated on angst and couldn't cook up crack… x-x; I do hope no one will kill me over the length of time it took me to update.

Hopefully I still have reviewing readers?

-pokes at button-


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